


Make a Catastrophe

by GalaxyAqua



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cats, M/M, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pets
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-08
Updated: 2016-05-07
Packaged: 2018-04-13 15:06:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4526694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalaxyAqua/pseuds/GalaxyAqua
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And it all began with three cats and a sinfully embarrassing neighbor.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> let's watch what these idiots are going to do now

The first thing that rings clear in Kazuichi Souda's mind when he opens the door is 'who the hell are you'; but what actually emerges from his mouth sounds suspiciously like,

"Hell has welcomed you!" 

... And he'd like to think his visitor is Mondo or Leon or someone else just as nutty so they can laugh it off together, but it isn't. It really isn't. 

He's made painfully aware of the fact, when the stranger at his door stares him down - a good head taller than him, sporting cold, mismatched eyes and bandages from fingertip to elbow, facial features drawn and sharp. The man is also dressed in variants of black, and has meticulously styled hair; a long dark mark like lightning striking down across the right side of his face.

All in all, he's more than a little intimidating. 

The most logical thing to do at this point, perhaps, is to close the door and hide for three weeks. There is also the option of apologizing and saying, “Oh, sorry about that, I was expecting someone else. Haha, inside jokes, y’know? Man, my friends are weird…” Both valid, genuine options for smoothly sashaying out of a potentially embarrassing conversation.

But the mechanic was never good at thinking on his feet so he just kind of stares dumbly at the guy, who stares back; until some distant car honking jolts them both back into reality.

Ever ready to seize the chance to gain the upper hand in life, Souda immediately tries to assert himself – maintaining that it was _his_ apartment they were standing in front of, and he had the right to (pretend to) be grumpy all he liked. While playing along with his earlier slip of tongue, he decides, perhaps he can try to scare this guy off. That would be an achievement to file in his records. Maybe 'scaring strangers' isn't something he should put on his resume though. Regardless, he glares; a clash of hot pink irises against the other's cool red and silver, and clenches his fists.

"What are ya looking at, punk?" He snarls behind pointed teeth and absurdly false confidence. Oh god, he’s digging himself a bigger hole, isn’t he? The other guy does not look impressed. But Souda doesn’t stop there: "Never been to hell before? You sure dressed the part, ain't ya?"

The unexpected visitor, whoever he is, looks momentarily stunned before he starts to chuckle darkly at the provocation. He appears to be taking on a character; but is alarmingly serious about his choice in wording. One might think he actually believes he stands at the gates of hell.

"Why, formidable foe and servant of the devil, are you claiming to have traversed the land of the sinful dead, yourself?" He commences with an enthused wave of his bandaged hand, "You? I have truly underestimated you, if that be the case."

 _"… what is this guy_ _’_ _s deal?_ _”_ … is what Souda should have been thinking, but he was the one that started the whole ‘hell’ conversation by opening the door like a delusional ten-year-old, and so he was sure as heck gonna finish it.

"Uh, well, y-yeah! Of course!" The mechanic curses his voice for cracking on the last word. Terrible teenage stuff he never grew out of, he reasons. To make up for it, he shakes a lazy fist at the man, still marginally confused but damn well ready to fight to win. As long as it wasn't physically. "You better be scared!  Hell or no hell, I could take you on any day!"

"You will rue the day you challenged Gundam Tanaka!" The stranger – or rather, Tanaka, as he's made himself known – tells him brazenly, while shaking a silver ringed finger. Rather than angry, however, he seems surprisingly pleased. 

Souda has no idea what to think of him. Spontaneous, maybe. Unpredictable. Definitely a new breed of weird.

"I'm sure I will..."

"Hm? Giving up already?"

"Like hell I am! I'll get you!" Souda glances back inside his apartment, as if it would lend him some support. His mechanic mind starts whirring, wondering if he can put together some Mobile Gundam Suit – fitting, seeing the name – to beat this guy up and put him in his place, so to speak. But then again, that would take time and effort, and he has neither. 

Leaving those thoughts aside for the time being, he turns back to add a tacky excuse on to his spontaneous declaration of war (and why he’s not going to fight Tanaka just yet, and hopefully never), "But uh, not right now, because the gates of hell are busy. And stuff. Yeah. We’re renovating. So, why are you even here? Just stoppin' by for no reason?"

"I have no time for such cordialities." Tanaka answers with a light frown. His previous battle stance settles down and he crosses his arms, perfectly adapting to the change of subject. "My intentions were to request of you – neighboring human of house 302 – a temporary service to three feline deities." With this said, he then gestures downwards to a box by his feet. The box mewls forlornly, as if on cue.

Souda blinks. What is this sorcery? He swears that box wasn't there before. But… three cats? Wasn't that pushing it in a building with a 'no pets' policy? He plows on with renewed suspicion, narrowed eyes darting from Tanaka to the box, asking, "So you want me to... babysit your cats?"

Tanaka cringes at his word choice, but nods in resignation. "The lord of the lands will visit me on the morrow. I live at 402, right above you. He threatens banishment to my gods and I have yet to find a suitable relocation. I humbly repeat, however, that my request is merely temporary!"

"Wait, you're hiding them from the _landlord_?" At this revelation, Souda feels his mouth tug into a toothy grin. Looks like he judged too soon. Maybe this guy is more than just some weird-ass pet shop owner from hell. "Oh man, if Togami finds out, he's gonna kill you!" 

He watches with strange glee as the other's expression grows stormy. During his next tirade, the cat owner begins to raise his voice, "Then the wealthy lord of lands will not find out, and neither will you alert him! I will only make my offer one last time, so your mortal ears better –"

"Chill! Dude, nah, it's fine! I was just making fun of ya!"

Tanaka looks unconvinced. 

"Seriously," The mechanic chances a look at the box again, more to reassure the man that he is, indeed, serious. It’s not like he has anything better to do, anyway. "How long d'ya need? I'll take care of 'em for you. No sweat."

"In the name of..." Tanaka grumbles, but after a long sigh and a mutter of something under his breath, the smirk returns to his face. His voice is low, and sincere. "Three days.”

"Three days?” The mechanic takes on the appearance of contemplation, but he already knows he can definitely do three days. He just wants to know what in the world Togami wants, with a three-day visit. He wasn't some kind of serial killer... right? “Yeah, cool, I’ll do it.”

“How much do I –“

“Don’t worry about it,” he waves the question off before it emerges from the man’s mouth. “Let’s just say you owe me a favor.”

Tanaka looks as if he cannot comprehend what a ‘favor’ is, but luckily does not ask. He merely smirks and nods his head once. “The wind tells me you have made a wise choice. However, are you certain you have what it takes?"

"I said, 'chill', didn't I? It's cool." As an afterthought, Souda adds, "My pops accidentally brought home a stray cat once. Woulda died if I didn't raise it. I can cat well enough."

For whatever reason, that immediately piques Tanaka's interest, and his eyes shine bright and wide. "What then? Does the fool live?"

"Uh, do you mean the cat or my dad?" 

"Answer for both, if you must."

"Well the cat - her name was Tank - passed, er, two years ago. She was nine, and she lived a good life, I guess. And pops is still alive. Don't see him much though." He scratches the back of his neck. He really doesn't want to talk about his father; especially not to a guy he just met. "But enough about me, hey? What's the plan? Do any of the kitties need special care or whatever?"

A fire burns brightly in Tanaka's previously cold eyes, and the man offers, "Feh, I shall provide you with their necessities; there is no need for worthless fretting! You have done well to make the correct decision and the deities shall shower good luck upon you! Fuhahaha!"

The ‘hahaha’ continues for a short while, before they fade into blank silence.

"Great." The mechanic replies simply, at a sort of loss for words. Man, frankly, this guy is _embarrassing_  to talk to. “Yeah, no, awesome. That's good.”

They both sort of stare at each other for another few seconds before Souda clears his throat.

"Cats." he says.

"Cats." His neighbor echoes. Then as if a switch is flipped, Tanaka starts moving again, nodding in an affirming manner and bending down to carefully pick up the box - holding it out for the other to take. Souda takes it gently, though Tanaka still does not let go when he is peering in through the flap at the top. 

"Say your greetings." He commands, and Souda simply obeys because that would probably make it a lot less awkward.

"Hey there," he greets in what he hopes is a friendly, non-threatening voice, and a white paw sticks out of the box. He jumps a little - knowing that it was going to be a cat, but expecting some sort of monster to pop out in a cat's mask instead. Yeah, paranoia at its finest. 

Happy at the sight of the little thing, he smiles. He then moves to touch the paw lightly, and soon the small head of a pure white cat emerges, to curiously sniff him out. The cat is gorgeous, by the way; all clean, lovely white fur and pretty green eyes. He silently asks permission to touch the head, and the cat allows it.

"Well, well,” Tanaka says in a tone of proudness, which Souda likens to an overbearing parent. It's so unnecessary that it takes all he has to stop himself from laughing at the guy. “It appears Chun-S warms to you."

 _Also what the hell was that name?_ "Uh... Chun-S?"

"Ah, well, Future World Ender Chun-S is his full title. It is Chun-S for short."

Souda takes a brief moment to absorb this mega nerd's information, while he pets the future destroyer of the world. He does not want to know what the other cats are called, but he might as well ask before any more surprises come up. "... okay. Right. Okay. Chun-S. I'll remember that. What 'bout the other two then?"

"Supreme Galactic Commander Spik-E, tortoiseshell. Pendragon Sovereign of Purgatory Vit-A, ginger." Tanaka recites, with an air of delight. Oh, god, how long did he spend coming up with these ridiculous names? "These are not their final forms, however, so be cautious. I must inform you of their hidden dangers."

In a manner similar to standing to attention, Spik-E and Vit-A pop their heads out at the mention of their names, and immediately the mechanic can tell they've been well looked after. Weird or not, Tanaka knew how to look after animals, that was for sure.

"... oh, uh, wow. No, it’s fine. I think I’ve got it sorted." Souda looks at the three cats and suddenly wonders if they know how loony their owner was. Probably not. They look like they enjoy the attention, at least.

"I also have four dark gods within my scarf, which easily slip from the lord of the land's eye."

As if to prove a point, a tiny hamster head pokes out of Tanaka's purple scarf to throw a sunflower seed at him. Souda starts laughing, "Oi! Do you just really want Togami to hate you?"

"He doesn't...!" Tanaka attempts to protest, before he remembers that he actually isn't supposed to care. "Ha! What do I care of the lord of lands and his petty emotions! May his complaints begone!"

“Chill, dude, seriously.”

“I am the Ascendant Ruler of Ice! I am as ‘chill’ as they come!”

Souda raises a single eyebrow but says nothing that isn’t already shown in his Cheshire grin, to which Tanaka huffs and flips his scarf dramatically over his shoulder.

“You… seem to not have heard of me, mortal.”

“Mm, nah. Doesn’t ring a bell.”

For a second, the cat owner stalls, before coming to life again with renewed vigor. “Never fear! The gods take pity on you – and you shall be educated henceforth!”

Souda doesn't know how to reply without saying something like 'are you like a time-travelling cat-worshipping man from the underworld planning to eat my soul', so he opts to remain silent. Only his mouth, once more, has other ideas, and he goes, "I've already gone to school to learn useless stuff, if that's what you're implying."

He really needs a new brain-to-mouth filter.

Unfortunately, Tanaka won't let anything slip past his radar, and snipes quickly with, "I imply nothing but your impending doom! By the gods, he says 'useless'... what moronic insolence, I shall curse you!" 

To which the mechanic replies heatedly, "Can you not say things like that?! I'm superstitious as hell!"

"Hell arises! Alas, the devil speaks!"

"What the hell are you on about?!"

And they go on and on and on.

The time passes much too quickly, when Souda suddenly realizes that he's been standing at his door for over an hour just arguing with this guy who came for a simple favor.

Tanaka appears to notice too, with a quick glance to the wall clock inside the mechanic's apartment, but instead of apologizing for taking up his time or making a note to return later with the cat supplies like any normal person would, he secures the box in Souda's hands and goes to climb out the window.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," The mechanic yelps, hurrying after the man while clutching the box close to his chest, "what are you doing?!"

"My polished stone which would bestow entry has been compromised, and thus!" He disappears for a split second, and Souda winces at the sound of glass shattering a floor above them. Then he appears at the window once more. "I must grant myself divine access using less favorable methods!" 

He can only guess that means Tanaka forgot his keys.

"... you're an idiot." Souda mutters, with a roll of his eyes. 

At the very least, if there’s one thing that meeting gave him - apart from three cats for three days - is the knowledge that his life is going to be a whole lot more interesting from that moment on.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Souda bonds with the cats.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> editing and also life issues, sorry for the (stupidly long) wait!

Left alone with the cats in his house, Souda frees the trio and lets them explore the surroundings. He hasn’t got anything expensive hung up and anything valuable is hidden in the mess that is his entire apartment, so he simply allows them to roam free while he watches – completely at a loss as to what he was even doing before the cats invaded his abode. And their owner. But that guy was a whole different story.

As he looks over the felines trotting around, he supposes there is nothing to do but to prepare a space for them, but three days is barely anything so he wonders if he even has to bother.

 _Wait,_ he thinks suddenly. _What if Togami (that stupidly perceptive bastard) drops in out of convenience?_ _Where am I gonna hide them then?_

Souda decides he will build a fort for the cats anyway, just to be safe.

A few steps in, he surveys the clutter everywhere and curses the fact that he can never be bothered with cleaning anything. Finding a free space in itself would prove to be a challenge. And he’s not exactly in the mood for cleaning.

… well, he will do it later. Maybe. Probably. Why go to all that effort? They aren’t even his cats.

He flops onto the couch with a sigh. He should not be thinking so much.

He startles himself by yelping when he feels something on his leg – and soon all three of the cats clamber onto him like he is their new chair.

Sending them a mildly irritated look, he flicks on the television.

A paw finds its way to his face.

“Get off,” he mumbles.

The cat obeys.

“Oh my God.” Souda sits up suddenly, eyeing the closest cat with an air of undisguised curiosity. “Can you understand me? Like, human talk and stuff?”

The cat yawns.

“Uh, lie down?”

The cat flops onto its side, snuggling into the arm of the couch contently.

“Oh my God.” Having way too much fun with this newfound discovery (really smart cats! Shut up, this is awesome), Souda ends up playing around with commands until late into the evening, when he remembers there's something called 'dinner' and he should probably make an effort to obtain it.

But alas, that would also require motivation.

Motivation that he doesn't have.

Or at least, motivation that he doesn't have until he sees something hanging outside his window, and he goes off to inspect it, gingerly setting the cats onto the ground. Wrenching the window open, he finds a basket full of miscellaneous items all labelled 'IMPORTANT' in big red cursive letters. Wow.

It also comes with a note.

‘Treat them well and nature shall reward you,’ it reads, in alarmingly beautiful handwriting. Clearly the dark lord’s calligraphy skills were on point.

Having no idea what that even meant – what else is new? – Souda shrugs and pulled the basket inside, rummaging through it to find basically what one would call a basic cat owner’s kit. If ‘basic’ actually meant ‘advanced’, and ‘advanced’ actually meant ‘expert’. 

Literally everything was taken care of. It’s only for three days, he repeats in his head, but not without a tinge of awe. Weirdo or not, his neighbor is indisputably a good cat owner, so he gets brownie points for that, at least.  

He dumps the contents of the basket onto the kitchen counter, and decides to set up a cat care station there. Hey, it’s as good a place as any!

Everything looks like it’s of immense quality too, and he briefly wonders how much it all costs. What did a guy like Gundam Tanaka even _do_? Souda didn’t put ‘snake charmer’ or ‘zoo keeper’ past him. He was certainly a mix of both charming and wild, though the mechanic would rather die than say that aloud. Much less to the guy's face. 

With renewed energy, he sets everything up as neatly as he can in the kitchen (which is to say not very neat at all, but hey, he’s a mechanic, not an artist), and finally orders pizza for himself because he honestly had no better idea. The cats' patter over to see what he's doing, clearly aware that this is their stuff, as they nudge various items into various places with their noses. Smart, smart cats. 

For a brief, panicked second, Souda wonders if all that nonsense Tanaka had been spouting earlier was actually for real, and if the cats were actually demons - or small gods - in disguise.

 _There's no way..._ he tells himself. _That's just stupid. Any more overthinking and you'll turn into Tanaka yourself. Don't try to explain life's small miracles, man, you're only going to make shit complicated._

In the process of finalising the cats' temporary area, he discovers that living with the cats is going to be like living in a castle. As the servant. To royalty. The hierarchy certainly seems a little off, in any case. But cats like to pretend they’re the boss, and Souda’s really not going to contest that. They knock his hands away with their paws when he tries to interfere, and he just... laughs. What funny little dudes.

It’s cool, anyway. Cats are cool. The mechanic is starting to think that perhaps he’ll get a new cat of his own. If he wasn’t scared of the great and powerful landlord Byakuya Togami, he totally would. These clever kitties seemed to like him well enough. When they step back, looking to be finished, he fills their bowls up with a laugh, saying, "Okay, hold your horses. I'm getting there."

After doing so, he hears the doorbell ring and collects his own dinner, paying the pizza delivery person in one fell swoop - already accustomed to the fast food lifestyle enough to think nothing of it. He stuffs a slice of pizza in his mouth and drops the box onto the coffee table for whenever. 

A meow from the kitchen has him scurrying in to tend to it, and there he finds the three cats pawing at their lavishly decorated, but sadly empty, food bowls. As if on auto-pilot, the mechanic goes to refill them and only realizes what he’s done once he’s finished and they’re digging in.

 _Ah, shit._ He thinks, a little too late. It’s the first day they’ve lived with him (even that is an overstatement, it’s been a few hours at most), and they’ve got him wrapped around their little paws already. _I’m too fond of them to let them go now. It's over for me. I'll become the next crazy cat lady, and Togami will kick me out and I'll live in a cat shelter surrounded by cats until the end of time -_

His chain of thought is cut off by a cat leaping into his arms, and him struggling to catch it, knowing if he dropped her - more than one person, animal or thing was going to be after his head. It's Chun-S, who has currently decided to treat him like he's her favorite person in the world, which makes his heart grow warm. He swallows the rest of his pizza and carries her back to the television, where he sits, and she curls up on his lap. He pats her absent-mindedly, warning himself to not get attached, because he certainly is not going to fight Tanaka for custody over these darling animals, no matter how precious they are. He's not that much of a douche. 

He may, however, be contemplating ways to get into Tanaka's house to visit them from time to time in the future. Hey, a guy has needs, and gratuitous cat-petting is one of them.

From what he's gathered about the cats so far, Chun-S is the biggest sweetheart of a puffball, and by far crowned favorite of the three (the affection is appreciated, really, for a guy that's seriously affection-deprived). Spik-E struts around like he owns the place and Vit-A gives him sass like it’s nobody's business, but he does kind of adore them both so it's fine. He likens the last cat to his high school mate, actually - Hajime Hinata - and thinks about sending his friend videos, if only to annoy him about this fact.

He does eventually send them, when he gets bored flicking aimlessly through his phone _and_ tv channels. Unsurprisingly, Hinata, who seems to live on the internet 24/7, is always quick to reply;

 

 **From [Hajime Hinata]:** excuse me for being more attractive as a cat

 **From [Hajime Hinata]:** wait wtf why do you have 3 cats

 **From [Hajime Hinata]:** those poor souls

 

 **From [Kazuichi Souda]:** shut up you

 

 **From [Hajime Hinata]:** don’t worry kitties I will save you

 

 **From [Kazuichi Souda]:** hajime get out

 

Souda sometimes wonders if Hinata just thrives off of his pain. He wouldn't put it past him. Sadist Hinata has a familiar ring to it. 

After finishing the pizza, and sighing his way through much too many soap operas, he suddenly realizes that he's actually pretty comfortable, and doesn't know why. Looking around, he notices the other two cats have brought him pillows (they can do that? Wow, clever cats, indeed) and he's... kind of ready to drift off at any second now.

He falls asleep with the three felines curled around him, and it’s the best sleep he’s had in ages.

… that, of course, is a big indication that his morning is going to go to shit. His neighbor seems to have no concept of time, and at who knows what time it is in the morning, the self-proclaimed Almighty Dark Lord rings the doorbell and greets Souda with the sentence; “I forgot to tell you not to satiate the Gods’ hunger with spaghetti.”

“… what?”

“Spaghetti,” he says with vigor, and then adds in the stupidest thing Souda has ever heard, “Contains a lot of regretti.”

“What the fuck does that even mean…?”

"No pasta for the masters."

"Are you even for real." It's not a question, it's a statement, but Tanaka answers it all the same.

"I, the Ascendant Ruler of Ice, am nothing but real!"

“Ohhh my God, I can’t believe you exist, what even are you,” Souda drags his hands down his face. “No more. Don’t do this to me, man. Why did you come here at fuck o’clock in the morning?”  

"It's only 5:30," Tanaka says with the confidence of a morning person. "The dawn has passed, and the birds are awake."

"And  _I_ don't want to be," Souda complains. "Are you a Disney princess? Do you ever do anything normal people do?"

"Fufu, by 'normal', I assume you mean routine!" His neighbor straightens, puffing out his chest. "I do, in fact, follow a routine. The earth, also, follows a routine. Specifically, a daily rotation - and that very daily rotation of the earth, well, it makes my day."

"... all that build up... for a goddamn pun..." The mechanic groans. "Just. What do you want? Do you want to see your cats? Come in before the other neighbors file a complaint, I swear to God, you're a real nuisance, you know that?" 

Tanaka doesn't grace him with a reply, but struts in the doorway like a man on a mission, pulling his cats into his arms. They purr contentedly, nuzzling into his scarf, and Souda feels his heart skip a beat at the sight. Of course, not for any reason in particular! Just because... because. That's why. 

Maybe that can explain away his next actions, too.

"Alright, since you're in such a punny mood today, I have a question for you." He says to Tanaka, who turns to look at him, with a surprisingly soft smile.

"Do your worst, mortal!" He replies, blinking away the untimely softness, now looking a mix of excited and pleased, and if Souda was back in high school again, he may have found it cute. But he's not. So it's not cute. It's just... bizarre. Bizarrely... not cute. Shut up, Souda. That doesn't even make sense. He clears his throat.

"Are you a beaver?" He asks, "Because _dam._ ”

His neighbor blinks.

“Get it? Dam? Like a beaver dam –”

“Fiend!" Tanaka shouts. "Grammatically speaking –”

“You’re – don’t bring up grammar here, you asshole!”

 "Try again, then," he says, arms wrapped protectively around his cats. Souda is not sure if Tanaka is asking for another pun or another pick-up line, so he just goes for both. He figures it can do no harm.

"Are you a magician? Because every time I look at you, the world disappears."

Tanaka looks at him as if he’s completely missed the joke.

"How about this one?" The mechanic continues, because he's a fucking idiot who thinks more pick up lines will ease the tension that a  _pick up line created_. "Did you sit on a pile of sugar? Because you've got a pretty sweet ass." 

This time, Tanaka blushes, red spreading rapidly over his pale skin, as he places the cats down gently, tugs his scarf over his mouth and heads towards the door like someone set him on fire. He's so flustered, he even forgoes his usual vocabulary, for a stammered, "Er, uh, I have - I have to go. Bye." 

"Oh, yeah, seeya," Souda half-squeaks half-winces. That was not what he expected to happen.

But if he's really honest, he's actually... not as embarrassed as he thought he would be. He actually found that dumbass kind of endearing, for getting so easily wound up over a pick-up line alone.

 _Oh, I am so fucked._ He thinks second, as his first thought finally registers in his mind:  _I hate seeing you leave, but I love watching you go._


End file.
